Sometimes Doing Nothing is the Best Thing to Do

Mara here:

I woke up with all kinds of ambitious plans this morning. I was going to wash the dog, clean out my closet, and maybe do some photography marketing. I had many ideas of how to get a lot of things checked off my "To Do" list today.

I'm stuck in the house because we are having a repairman come and, of course, that means they've given me a four hour window for when they will possibly show up. So I'm home...waiting.

But, again, it seemed like a good opportunity to do some things I've been putting off.

But I don't want to.

Things have been hectic since the holidays. My daughter was out of school and then got sick, and my husband was home, so there was no routine. In addition, we've had people visiting; it's just felt chaotic for a long time.

But today, it's quiet. Brad is at work, Malia is at school, and I'm home. Alone. And I'm loving it.

And since I can't leave the house, I didn't commit to doing anything, including errands.

But my inner voice is telling me I should be doing things. It's telling me that my dad is about to visit so I need to get bedding washed and I should be cleaning the floors and I should be cleaning out the garage and everything could use dusting.

But I really don't want to.

And you know what? I'm not going to.

A decade ago it wouldn't have even been a question to me. I would have already checked a dozen things off my list, and it's only 10:00 a.m. But I'm older now, and somehow I've figured out that I don't have to create panic where none exists.

I can just sit here. I can just read a book. I can stare out the window if I want to.

If my dad shows up and the house is a little dirtier than I want it to be, everything will be ok. If the garage doesn't get cleaned out for another few months, everything will be ok. If the baskets of towels don't get folded until tomorrow, everything will be ok.

I have the luxury, for today, to not do anything. And so I'm going to take advantage of it. And I'm not going to worry about not doing things.

It feels amazing to realize that it's all okay. It feels like progress in the ongoing struggle I have with myself to make everything perfect.

There are plenty of days when there are things that really do need to get done. And, of course, when that's the case, I make sure things get taken care of.

But for today, I'm not going to worry about getting things done. If I decide to wash the dog, I'll wash the dog. But I won't tell myself I have to wash the dog. See the difference?

There have been so many times in my life when I haven't allowed myself the freedom to simply not do things, so it's a huge victory that I can now recognize that I do have options. It makes life feel less heavy.

And when I give myself the freedom to take a day to relax and clear my mind, then the next day, when things do have to be done, I feel less stressed. I feel less resentful. I am able to take care of what needs to be done with a little less anxiety 

When I say I'm doing nothing, it never means I actually do nothing. But it means if I want to sit and watch cat videos for a while, I will. Or I can browse through amazon.com for books. Or I'll do something random, like knit for a while. In other words, I do things that don't need to be done. I do things simply because I enjoy doing them. There's no goal to the activity. 

The nothingness means, for me, that it's not something I am telling myself must be done. It's not on a list. It's not something I'm doing for anyone else but for me—because I want to.

Here are some questions I asked my mom about "doing nothing."


Was there ever a time when you felt the way I did when I was younger—that you constantly had to be doing productive things?

Absolutely. There was a time when I was driven to always be doing something productive. Getting chronically ill took care of that! In that sense, I guess it's been a blessing. Being forced to curtail my activities so severely, I learned the joy of doing nothing. You mentioned in an earlier piece that I'm working on a second edition of my first book, How to Be Sick. Well, your subject is timely because I added a new practice that I call "Doing Nothing." I'm so glad you've discovered the value of this, Mara.

Do you ever give yourself "Do Nothing" days?

I don't give myself "Do Nothing" days but, as I write about in this practice I mentioned, I do try to remember to stop once or twice a day and take 5-10 minutes to do nothing. It's restful and refreshing. And, when I do this, I also notice places in my body where my muscles have tensed up but I hadn't been aware of it, so I consciously relax that area. (For example, when I'm "doing nothing," I often notice that my shoulders are hunched up toward my neck and I realize that that's why I'm feeling stiff and in pain in that area; when I relax the muscles, my shoulders sometimes fall a good 2-3 inches and I can feel the pain and tension leaving that area.). "Doing nothing" seems to naturally allow me to check in with my body and relax it.

Another thing I like to do is what I call "Not Thinking." Here's a piece I wrote about this for Psychology Today: "Give Your Mind a Rest: Practice Not-Thinking." I hope everyone will try it!


What do you like to do when you have a day where you really don't have anything on your "To Do" list that must be done?

I can't remember a day when I've had absolutely nothing on my "To Do" list but, like you, sometimes I ignore that list except for something that is related to health or safety.

I do have days though with hardly anything I have to do and, when I that happens, I like to listen to audiobooks, crochet, embroider, and, if the weather is nice, sit out in back and throw the ball for my dog. I hope I have a few days like that coming up soon!

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So what about you? Can you allow yourself to do nothing? And if you can do nothing? What's your favorite nothing thing to do?