If I Had a Million Dollars...

Mara here:

"If I Had a Million Dollars" is the title of a song by a band called The Barenaked Ladies. It's one of Brad's favorite bands, or at least it was early on in our relationship, so I remembering repeatedly hearing the song. It's not a serious song. As I recall, it's sort of a love song about all the goofy things a guy would buy a girl he loved.

I've been thinking a lot about money lately. I think it's because my daughter is about to apply to colleges and, for a variety of reasons, we never set up a college fund for her. So we are now faced with trying to figure out how we are going to pay for college, which is daunting. 

It's been hard to have to tell our daughter that she can't necessarily go to whatever school she wants to because we simply can't afford to pay most private university tuition. And yes, I know that having your parents pay for college is a luxury. I know lots of kids pay their own way through school or go to community college. But both Brad and I had parents who paid for our college education, and we have always assumed we would do the same for our daughter. She has worked really hard to get good grades and has challenged herself with a difficult curriculum.

I hate that money might be the determining factor of what school she eventually ends up attending.

So we've had various conversations about money. We've had serious conversations about money—which are not fun. And we've had some less serious conversations about money—which can be entertaining. What would I do if I suddenly found myself with a huge sum of money? Of course, all the practical things immediately come to mind: set up a college fund (number one priority at this point), pay off our house, pay off our cars, give money to charity, etc.

If I really wanted to go crazy, if I somehow found myself multi-millions of dollars, here's, in order, what I would do:

1) Set up a charitable foundation. I'm not sure what type of foundation, but it would probably be something to do with education, or possibly providing housing to families. My number one dream is to have enough money to be able to give enough money away to someone that would actually be meaningful. Of course, I donate what I can now, but it's $25 here and $25 there. I know it adds up. I know it makes a difference. But I would love to be able to set up a foundation that would make a noticeable difference in the lives of the people it helped.

2) Set up a trust fund for our daughter, which would of course include paying for any college that she wanted to attend.

3) Pay off the mortgages of everyone in my family. I would love to be able to just allow everyone I love not to worry about paying their mortgages.

4) Set up education trust funds for nieces and nephews.

5) Randomly give out $100 bills to strangers on the street. (It's this weird fantasy I have.)

But let's get real. What's the likelihood that I will ever get my hands on that kind of money?

So then I thought, well what would I do with just a little bit more money? Let's say I was suddenly given $500 dollars a month that I could only spend on things for myself. (Because, let's be real, I'm a mom so if someone hands me money, 90% of the time I buy something for my daughter.) So, if someone said, here's a trust fund of $500 a month and you can only spend it on things for yourself, here are some things I would spend it on:

1) Books. I love books. I love reading books, and I love buying books. I like knowing I have them. But I have to stop myself from buying them because I can buy ten books without thinking about it, and it's money we need for other things. So books would definitely get purchased.

2) Theater tickets. I love live theater but it has gotten so expensive. Honestly, I don't know how people afford to go regularly. I know there are smaller venues and community shows, but my favorites are the big Broadway-style shows. Right now, it's just not what we spend our money on. So if I could, I would definitely see more theater.

3) Martial Arts. I've always regretted not getting my black belt when I was younger. I got about halfway and stopped. But if I had more money that I spent on myself, I would go back and get my black belt. Don't get me wrong; I could spend the money now to do this, but I don't. Somehow in the pecking order of what I spend money on, this just isn't high enough toward the top. But it's something I would definitely do if money wasn't an issue.

4) Sushi. I would eat more sushi.

5) Rescue pets. I would have more pets. I don't know if that would technically be spending money on myself, but I think it would qualify because I love animals. I want a petting zoo. I want goats and pigs and mini-horses and squirrels...and I want to rescue all the cats and dogs. But animals are expensive to maintain.

I'm sure money would get spent on other things such as gadgets, clothes, and food. But those aren't things I feel like I'm missing from my life. I have enough of those. In fact, I really have pretty much everything I need now.

When I wish for more money these days, it's usually because I wish that my daughter could have everything she wants. I spent many years feeling as if money would "fix" my problems. Of course, it doesn't. On a practical level you do have to have a certain amount of money to live comfortably, i.e. have a place to live, buy food to eat. But beyond the basics, money doesn't translate into happiness.

However, it does make things easier and it can make things nicer. But it took me 30 years to realize that having more money doesn't make you happy. Spending money doesn't actually fix anything. But my 17 year old daughter hasn't had that realization yet, and I can hardly expect her to understand. Some people never figure this out.

So I give her my spiel about how wanting more is endless and that you will never feel as if you have enough, blah blah blah. I am trying to teach her that appreciating what she has will ultimately provide her with more happiness than getting more will ever provide. I am trying to explain that the feeling of "wanting" never ends.

But the mom in me really wishes I could just give her everything she wants. The girl in me, who remembers wishing she had more, wants to be able to give her daughter everything.

But I can't. It is fun to sometimes fantasize about it though.

So what would you do if you had a million dollars?