Random Acts of Kindness

Mara here:

It's Girl Scout cookie season. Today, my daughter brought home a bag of cookies, which was good timing because I feel like I've earned them.

I did a good deed yesterday.

Trust me, I don't do good deeds very often. And it's not because I don't like being helpful to people, but I'm a private person. I'm not a particularly outgoing person. I'm not the neighbor who knows all of the other neighbors.

And for the most part, people in L.A. live in their own little bubbles. We drive ourselves around, do our stuff, keep ourselves to ourselves.

But yesterday, I was at Ralphs, my nearby grocery store, and there was a woman in front of me loading her items onto the counter as she was being checked out. She seemed flustered. She'd already had to run back into the aisles quickly to get a replacement box of pasta that she discovered was open as she was taking items out of her cart. And then the checker noticed that one of the bottles of beer was leaking, so someone had to go and get her a replacement for that.

So her transaction was taking longer than it normally would for someone with only a few items. The line of waiting customers behind her was growing.

And then her credit card wouldn't work.

She swiped it. Nothing happened. She tried a different credit card and nothing happened.

I could tell she was feeling bad about holding up the line. I could tell she was feeling the stares of the people behind her, wondering why she wasn't finished checking out. I was in no hurry so I wasn't bothered, but people behind me were getting restless.

And then the cashier realized that it was the entire credit card system in the store that wasn't working. Nobody's credit card was going to work.

The woman looked absolutely crestfallen.

The checker asked if she had cash, and she didn't. The checker asked if she had any checks, and she didn't. The checker asked if she banked at Wells Fargo because it had ATM machines in the store. The woman didn't bank with Wells Fargo.

People in all the lines at the store were realizing that the credit card machines were not working and there was an uneasy murmur growing.

I was watching all of this play out. Fortunately for me, I pay with cash because I'm not great at keeping track of my credit card balances. So I wasn't worried about the machines. But clearly most of the other customers were not happy.

Normally, I don't get involved in what's going on with the other people at the store. There are a lot of strange people in L.A. and I don't want to find myself in the middle of unnecessary drama. (You'd be amazed at how much drama there can be at the Ralphs in North Hollywood.)

On the other hand, there's still that part of me that believes we live in a community. And there have been those times when I needed help and people stepped up and helped me—not because it was an emergency or because my life needed to be saved—but simply because it was a nice thing to do.

So I took a breath and decided to see if I could help. I asked this poor flustered woman if she had a Venmo account?

If you don't know what Venmo is, it's an app for a smartphone that allows people to easily transfer money to each other. Money can easily be transferred from one bank account to another instantaneously.

There are a lot of people over the age of 30 who don't know what Venmo is, but this woman had an account!

So I proposed that I pay for her groceries with cash and then she could Venmo me the amount. When I made the offer, the cashier stared silently at me with a puzzled look. The woman, who was still trying to get the credit card machine to read one of her cards, was surprised—unsure whether my offer was real. And if my offer was real, she was probably having the same internal debate I'd just had of "Do I really want to get involved with this unknown person?"

Finally, I smiled and said, "Really, it's not a problem" and pulled out the cash to pay the cashier for the woman's groceries. The cashier reluctantly took the money, looking over at the woman, wondering what her response would be and then back at me to confirm that I was serious.

And then suddenly the woman was smiling and pulling out her phone. She asked what my Venmo username was and looked up my account. We confirmed it was the right one (the one with a picture of my dog Pidu), and she sent me the money. She stayed until I received the confirmation that I had received her payment, and then after she thanked me about a hundred times, she was on her way with her groceries.

When I stepped up to pay for my own groceries, the cashier looked at me with a puzzled face and asked me what I did for a living. I answered that I was a photographer, and she responded with a quiet, "Oh."

I'm not sure what that had to do with anything, but I think she perhaps thought my profession would explain why I decided to help a stranger.

Because it is, sadly, unusual to see strangers doing nice things for each other these days.

But it felt nice to have been able to help someone. There wasn't even charity involved in my action. Venmo is reliable and fast. The money was transferred into my Venmo account instantly and into my bank account by that afternoon.

What I really loved was that it was spontaneous. It was random. And it wasn't an emergency. It wasn't about being heroic. It just felt good to be able to make someone's day a little easier. And it was nice knowing that in the moment, my instinct was to be kind. I wanted to help. And it reminded me of the many, many times people have randomly been kind to me.

So I walked out of the store feeling as if I had done my good deed for the day and that I deserved a Girl Scout badge for Grocery Store Venmo Rescue. Okay, there's no badge for that, and I was only a Girl Scout for a few months in fourth grade. But I think I am going to definitely treat myself to a few Girl Scout cookies!

I asked my mom if she remembers a time when someone was unexpectedly kind to her. Here's what she said:

I can think of many times when strangers were kind to me. I hope it's not a dying "art." Here's a one memory that's still vivid in my mind. 

Many years ago, I was driving around on country roads outside our town with my dog in the back seat and my camera ready, so I could try take pictures of birds. I decided to to turn my car around and, in doing so, drove onto a shoulder that was so muddy, the car got stuck. Wheels spinning stuck. And this was before cell phones. 

So there I was, on a deserted road and with a car that wouldn't move. I looked all around me and there wasn't a house in sight, so I stood by the side of the road, waving at the occasional car that passed, but no one stopped. 

Then I saw these two big burly men in a pick-up truck with a huge gun rack on the top driving toward me. I didn't wave at them to stop because I was a bit afraid of them. They passed me, stopped, backed up, and asked if I needed help. I told them I was stuck. They immediately got out of the truck and, getting their boots and pant legs covered with mud, pushed my car back onto the road. 

A random act of kindness and a demerit for me for stereotyping people!

***

We'd love to hear about memories you have of strangers being kind to you, and whether you've ever been able to help someone in an unexpected way?